Monthly Archives: May 2016



I was reading  zodiac signs this morning and one of them that i was reading was “how awkward is your sign”  obviously you can not take them as legit but it is funny when you read them …FYI my sign is a cancer and got 10/100  what a relief to know  I am ever around relationships that are awkward I can confidently say “It’s not me… it’s you” 🙂 . I read my moms to her  and she asked “what does awkward mean” I told her Im not completely sure but it looks like you have something to research later. BTW… she a Sagittarius the post claimed their awkward level is 127/100. If you want to heighten and blow your self esteem at the same time reading zodiac information is the way to go!

Now I feel inspired to do some research and questioning on the subject of awkwardness. But what is even more bizarre is that we will pass around words and have conversations but we do not even understand there meaning. Sometime’s we just give it our own meaning from a passing judgement or our own expedience.  We do not take them it to it’s depth. We use words to express our stories  or define them but every word has it’s own stories and definition behind it too. To me this create’s a circus.

Awkwardness can make life feel like a circus and we usually perceive it as bad but who does not enjoy the circus when they go? All the history behind circus’s, and how the circus hold’s space for some of the most unique and awkward humans being’s to exist. Making your awkwardness awkward make’s  things even more awkward. A little awkwardness never hurt we do not have to go off and make it trendy and give it hype but what i do enjoy about awkwardness is that it lightens the load of needing to be pretentious.  We are not pretending a situation does not bother us when it does or when we know something just is not right….list goes on. Awkward situations can help us grow and become better at expressing ourselves. Awkwardness can also carry the friction we need to help us get out of the mud. Is being awkward completely bad…no, not at all. May not feel good but hey humility shows we are human and humility can heal situations. You are not to be the blame for everything and do not feel weird holding someone accountable.Circus

Im sure it’s  Super awkward at how many time’s i wrote the word awkward in  this post. If you decide to read through my article and count how time’s the word awkward exist that would be super awkward for me and for you. If you feel inspired to rate how awkward this blog post is on a scale from 1/10 …please to not feel awkward leaving a comment doing so! Giving and receiving constructed criticism and feedback is an awkward area for me but Im learning to get less awkward with it!




Reminds me of one of my favorite movie’s i used to watch when I was younger called “Blank check”. Where the kid find’s a blank check  processes it through an old ass Macintosh computer takes it to the bank and leaves with wads of cash in his backpack. I have sat and thought about what I would do if I had that amount of money or more. Have you ever heard about all those lottery winner’s or celebrities that have that kind of money and before they knew it they we’re  back at square one like none of it ever happened? Well that also happened to the kid in the movie he had fun with it and eventually the party was over.

I have also read countless books and information on Abundance over the years and I see money in a new light. I know most people think if they can just dream up some large lump some of money if would solve all their problems…but out of all the information I have read about money and  abundance in life is this “abundance is getting what you need when you need it” weather it be 5 dollars or a million. What we can all learn from those lottery winners that it probably best for us to do some inner work on ourselves so we do not lose any abundance in life whichever form it takes. Abundance requires creativity and faith not only that it requires knowing exactly before hand what you need to with it for the greater good of yourself  and other’s. Oh yea and do not be shy if you have to knock on many doors before you get it or knock on the same door 100 times!Blank

The Heart of the Matter


Orderly,Epitome, and Spare.

These are perfect words to express my recent challenges with my life, work and relationships. I have been on a very intensive personal/spiritual path for over past six years which brought out so much chaos and disorder around me. The chaos is finally shifting. I started the blog to have an area to put my thoughts down of what I have been learning along the way and create order from the chaos which will  hopefully help create an epitome of all my learning. What resignate’s most with me from the word Epitome is Essence.

We all have an essence or epitome to us.  We have an orderly way in which operate their is an authentic self in all us. The harder we pressure our selves to be different and the more we feel society’s pressure’s. When we are amidst the chaos of all of it, we miss seeing that the good in all of it can bring us to our essence. It returns us to the heart of the matter. If we can spare each other the grief we can all add spice to life by allowing what is in our hearts to be the epitome of how we choose to live. Our very own heart will be the orderly soldier at our’s and other’s  service. In my work I have been wondering how can i get people to work more orderly while having them do what is in their hearts at the same time. Spare yourself the grief and do what is in your heart.

The Heart of the Matter




  1. 1.
    a person or thing that is a perfect example of a particular quality or type.
    “she looked the epitome of elegance and good taste”
    synonyms: personification, embodiment, incarnation, paragon;

    “the sanatorium there is the epitome of Modernist hospital design”
  2. 2.
    a summary of a written work; an abstract.



Fork in the road.

I am going to be righting about be young and opposition that comes from authority.

See I know authority is an illusion but Authority usually does not know they are an illusion. As someone in their mid 20’s I am always up against  authority. But what do you do when you know something but any authority is against but we need those authorities in order to get our needs met. Everyday billions of people go without getting their needs met?  Should we be nice and polite or just go for the jab with our fork and take what we need when it comes to the authorities surrounding our life. Most authorities will put themselves into a position of authority to get their needs met. I just think authority needs a transition and needs to grow up. I feel like most authorities in this world are ungrown children who tell other’s they can not come to their birthday party if you do something they do not like. Helps me out with what kind of Authority or person I need to be.






Countless are the seconds that turned in to years.

Countless seconds of grief I have unraveled  in my youth years.

Why I did it? To bring success near.

It’s countless how patience i have become with myself and other’s now.

All those blinding seconds that turned into years. I went back to past that was suppose to be my years ahead.

So I can have even better countless years ahead. Instead of the past ringing between my ears. In the countless years I am looking forward to.

Now I rarely count because time and years have no shadow’s here.



When someone steals your stuff


Recently I have been dealing with someone who keeps stealing my idea’s and the list goes on with this human being. I was getting pissed off at her and I was not sure why the situation kept arising. She is not the only one who has done it to me over the years. I think she uses me because she is almost 50 years and has lost her passion and creative thinking skills. What she most gets from me is relationship skills, blog article’s, video ideas,  new ideas, healing, and new offer’s …That’s a lot of stuff to take from someone and when I ask for money she will not send me a dime. But something clicked in my head today after going off on her that reminded me of situation in 7th grade…my teacher stole my idea without giving me any credit. Is it petty yes but it still hurt to see my ideas get stolen by someone much older than me.Back to the other lady she steals my stuff viciously. Now i give making sure i get even if i get healed from the situation. I noticed that those who steal my ideas like it because it makes their lives simple. I’ve got to learn to grow from this situation and learn to protect my ideas better. I just do not know how because i do enjoy sharing and I know a lot of people have to much pride to ask for help. Now i have a new situation to learn from in my young years. Wish me luck !!! I also have situation with another middle school teacher that i have been healing. I need these situations to better empower those around against authority. I am interested to see how this unravels. Most of what I am healing right now is coming from middle school. But i remember her taking my stuff and I felt powerless to do anything about it so i just had to go along with it. now i am hitting the same wall with another person. But that wall is going to get healed.